New Beginnings

Do old friends and new beginnings go together?

They do, especially when old friends are going through beginnings as well.

I have hesitated to reach out to too many old friends. I feel like I have to explain myself. Why I “disappeared” while I was caring for my dad, going through a divorce, and grieving it all. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve come out the other side as a totally different woman. I hardly recognize myself. Or, do I finally recognize myself but I’m not the woman they knew? Hard to tell.

However, when an old friend recently contacted me after his wife died, I was happy to talk to him. We talked for a long time and it seemed that what I was thinking in my head, he was voicing. It felt familiar.

Life after caregiving for years when it has changed your whole life and consumed you can only be understood by those whom have lived through it themselves. And, even then, it is different for everyone. However, this friend seems to have had a similar experience.

The difference I see between us, is that I prefer to be alone – he wants to surround himself with others. I’m very happy alone. In fact, I intend to be and live alone for the rest of my life. This last relationship solidified that. That’s another story.

I did, however, send holiday cards out to a few old friends. It’s a small step to reconnect. I’m not sure how long it will take me to visit them, however I just wanted to take the first, small step. 

I totally expect some to not want to come back into my life, especially because of the time away and the person I’ve become. I don’t expect much. I’m absolutely ok with that in this new place I’m at – I’m not living for anyone anymore. I’m here for myself and for what I can do to leave everything/everyone I encounter to be better than I found it/them.

Solitude and giving is so rewarding.