New Beginnings

As things have changed in my life, I’ve become much more of a morning person.

My younger self loved sleeping in until 7am. That was a great time to get up, I thought. Well – new beginnings…

As I began to age, I started waking up when I was done sleeping (most of the time, anyway). There are always times when you need to wake up before you’re done sleeping, but for the most part I woke up when I was done sleeping.

However, as I was the main caregiver for my father (whom lived with me) for years, my habits began to change.

For as long as I can remember, my dad went to bed early and woke up between 10-12am. He’d sit up and drink coffee (not kidding) and smoked (before he quit in 2007). Then, he’d go back to sleep and get up by 5am or so. When he began to live with me (and my ex), he would do the same thing. It was usually midnight when he’d get up and make his coffee and sit – no longer smoking. I could hear him get up, smell his coffee but usually fell back to sleep. My ex had a job he left for at 6:30 am and needed 2 hours before he left, so he woke up at 4:30am. I woke up with the alarm and often went back to sleep. Mind you, I’d already been woken up a few times through the night.

After my ex left and my dad fell (which began the full-time, 24/7 care), my dad would go to bed at 7pm and wanted to get up at 4am. I had to get up at 4am with him or he’d try to get up on his own. During the night, I had the monitor on so I could hear him if he needed me. I had my alarm set for 4am every single day for almost 2 years. This was the beginning of my shift in sleeping.

Now, after a year and a half since his passing, I still wake up by 4am. Sometimes earlier, sometimes a little later – no matter what time I go to sleep. Gone are the days of the 7am perfect wake up time. I don’t ever use an alarm anymore as I’m always awake between 3 – 5am, without exception. My dad must be proud.

After I get up, feed the cat(s) and have some coffee, I read and write emails, knit, do some client work, write, then get ready for my day. I’m up for 4-5 hours before my work day even starts.

It might be age, it might be habit, it might be my mind constantly working on my new beginning. Whatever it is, this is my new normal. I am usually better now in the mornings rather than in the afternoons/evenings as my younger self was.

As the aging process continues to show itself to me, I discover that I’m not wanting or needing to do or have what I used to. Or, could this be a result of this new me, post caregiver? At another time, I’ll describe the me who has come out of that period. In many ways, I am a totally different person than I was pre-caregiver. Many wouldn’t recognize me anymore.